Many of us want things to be other than they are. Perhaps you dream of being an amazing singer, rather than the struggling beginner that you actually are.
Or maybe you wish for more singers in your choir, rather than the handful that turn up each week. In all cases, accepting the reality is the first step to getting what you want.
Most of us live in the future or the past. We’re either dreaming of the day that will come when everything will be OK, or yearning for the past when everything was much better than it is now.
But the future and the past aren’t real. The only thing that is real is the here and now. And you need to find a way for that to be OK.
Rather than using all your energy railing against the fact that things aren’t as perfect as you’d like them to be, it’s better to focus on what you do have. If your attention is on the “if only ...” then you will have no space to deal with what is in front of you right now.
For example, as a singer you might be struggling to reach those high notes. Internally you might be beating yourself up for ‘failing’ or not focusing on your technique because (in your fantasy) you’re a famous singer on stage in front of an adoring audience.
Or, as a choir or singing workshop leader, you might have only a handful of singers (and not very good ones at that) in your session. Internally you might be feeling frustrated and disappointed at the lack of attendance or fantasising about having a room full of wonderful singers making your life so much easier.
However, if your attention is elsewhere, you won’t be fully engaged in the task at hand. You won’t be focusing on growing as a singer and improving your technique, or giving the singers who have come the best time you can.
If you accept your situation and stay with it, your focus will help you to do the best that you can in that moment. That will then lead onto better things. Your singing technique will slowly improve, and your workshop numbers will gradually increase because the few singers that came will tell their friends what a good time they had.
Try and avoid that “heart sink” moment when things aren’t as you hoped. Stay with the situation, accept it for what it is and you will eventually get where you want to be.
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Chris Rowbury
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